I change the subject hastily when she asked, “Where’s you daughter? How is your daughter?”
“Good”, I reply, “How’s your son? What have you been up to?”
I choose to focus on how good it is to see this lovely woman I haven’t seen in such a long time.
This is how it goes when you haven’t seen someone who knew you 20 years ago and it’s been that long since you’ve seen them. I don’t really know how my daughter is, it’s been five years since I’ve spoken with her.
I’m surrounded by people who love me. A dear friend is hosting a gathering in her backyard to celebrate me on my day of birth and that’s what I choose to focus on.
My brother calls to wish me a happy birthday while mentioning my sister was there visiting not too long ago. He and my two older sisters were all together. I haven’t seen or heard from either sister in a couple of years.
I choose to focus on the fact that he called to wish me a happy birthday.
I run into another woman I haven’t seen in twenty years. She is proud to be a grandmother now and I am happy for you. She asks how many grandkids I have. She knows my daughter had children. “Two, they are twins” and quickly change the subject. I cared for this woman’s daughter when I had a childcare. We used to gather, with our husbands and our daughters. Where would I begin to tell her I don’t see my daughter anymore, that I miss her and my grandchildren everyday?
I choose to focus on the fact that I am recognized as a mother and a grandmother and this is someone I created good memories with.
This morning, I choose to honor my sadness. I will give it what it asks of me, to allow the tears, to trust it will pass as all feelings do.
Then I will choose to go visit a friend.