Mothers are either glorified or blamed, the job description is almost impossible to live up to, daughters are often angry at their mother and don’t know their mother’s history before they came into the world. It’s hard for daughters to come to a place of compassion, without realizing their mother had a whole complicated life before they came into the world.
What happens without healthy dialog? Stories and diagnosis are often created.
My daughter and family certainly have a story and have diagnosed me. And there is no dialog. I’ve tried, but it seems their story and diagnosis of me is serving them somehow.
We weren’t taught how to have hard conversations, how to listen in order to understand.
This is some of what I gleaned from listening to this conversation with Harriet Lerner and Sheleana Aiyana
Navigating mother/daughter relationships with Harriet Lerner
I remain open to miracles, healthy dialog with a willingness to own up to my part and with compassionate listening from all parties involved.
Thanks Wendy for sharing this youtube.
And thanks as always to all who read this.
What would redemption look like?
Trump would not be reelected. Better yet, he somehow would be removed from office before the election. He would be charged with tax fraud, etc and sent to jail.
Police who have committed murder would be charged and sent to jail.
New programs would be put in place, people trained to actually help in difficult situations ie: dealing with a mental health issues, domestic violence and police would become less militarized.
Every state would offer vote by mail.
Racism would be understood and no longer be an issue.
Closed minds and hearts would open.
My daughter would come to understand that alcohol and past hurts caused me to act in ways I would never act now after years of recovery. I could hold her and tell her how very sorry I am for the times she did not feel safe.
She would realize that he father continued to make sexual advances towards me, after we were divorced and both re-married. He threatened me if I ever told anyone. He told me he would pay for her college education as agreed in our divorce. He didn’t pay. The divorce decree also, stated he would pay me back part of the money I used from my own finances to support us while he finished college. He never actually graduated from college, even though his father cracked a bottle of champagne because he thought his son had a degree. He never paid me back the money.
She would see that even though her step dad was a nice guy and good dad to her, he cheated on his first wife and cheated on me 3 times. He belittled me behind closed doors. Somehow he made it look as though I was the one breaking up our marriage. Closed minds and hearts would open.
The man who raped me would somehow be found out and found guilty.
What’s your redemption list?