Tag: memoir

Looking For a New Read

If you need a new read or a gift, I recommend some recently published memoirs by some of my writer friends.

Famished by Anna Rollins – A groundbreaking debut memoir that examines the rhyming scripts of diet culture and evangelical purity culture, both of which direct women to fear their own bodies and appetites. To be a Christian woman was to be thin and chaste, sidestepping any pleasures of the flesh that would cause you–or a brother in Christ–to stumble into sin. But thinness was also a sign of virtue to the outside world. 

Motion Dazzle: A Memoir of Motherhood, Loss, and Skating on Thin Ice by Jocelyn Jane Cox – Former competitive figure skater and coach Jocelyn Jane Cox is desperate to care for her toddler and her ailing mother, all while preparing to host a fabulous zebra-themed first birthday party at her house. As a new parent whose supportive mom is slipping away with dementia, she finds herself spinning in the middle of the so-called “sandwich generation”.

Camouflage: How I Emerged from the Shadows of a Military Marriage by Heather Sweeney– After camouflaging her identity to conform to the expected role of the supportive military spouse, Heather Sweeney emerged from the shadows of her husband’s Navy career to rediscover herself as a single mother approaching middle age.

Manna Songs: Stories of Jewish Culture & Heritage – a stunning collection of 32 powerful essays celebrating Jewish joy. Curated by Diane Gottlieb, with a foreword by Erika Dreifus, Manna Songs speaks to the rich diversity of Jewish lives. Through tallit and candlesticks, paintbrushes and prayer, these beautiful Jewish voices reach back across generations and pass traditions forward. Readers will find humor alongside sorrow, questions beside wonder, people lost, others found. Manna Songs will delight, move, and inspire you. It will make your heart sing!

The Full Catastrophe: All I Ever Wanted, Everything I Feared by Casey Mulligan Walsh – Casey needs a family of her own: the joys and the sorrows, people who love her, and a place she belongs-what Zorba the Greek called “the full catastrophe”-and she’s determined to make it happen. Adrift in the world after losing her father to a heart attack when she was eleven and her mother to cancer soon after, the death of her only sibling eight years later strengthens her resolve.

More friends have books coming out in the new year, and I will share those in the next month. I’ve witnessed these writers work hard to finish their books, get them published and persistently promote their stories. It’s a honor to help spread the word and to be a part of writing community.

Now, to get back to fine-tuning my memoir and getting it out in the world.

Wishing you a peaceful holiday,

Frances

Writing in lists, an essay was born

Back in 2020, when the world shut down, my writing group met via Zoom every Tuesday to write autobiography in lists.

Each week, we had prompts to pick and choose from.

 I was surprised by where the list prompts led me.

  • Unusual things about me compared to most people I know
  • Things I think people will be secretly thinking about me at my funeral 
  • Four wishes I would ask a genie to grant me
  • Things I have too many of
  • Times I’ve stayed too long
  • Books that changed how I see the world
  • Times you’ve felt betrayed 
  • Noises you hate 

    We met every week for two years. We wrote, read our writing out loud, cried, and laughed together.

    I wrote an essay from a list prompt: things you wish you could ask someone deceased, and submitted it to literary magazines for a couple of years. It finally found a home at The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature.
    Here’s the essay link: It Was All Terribly Unfair

    I hope you read it, and I’d love to hear your thoughts about it.

    Thank you for reading.

    Frances

The Solace of Acceptance

An essay of mine has been on a journey and is now published on Estranged Substack. Several months ago, writer friends sent me a call for essays on estrangement for an anthology, No Contact, to be published by Catapult Publishing this spring.

I received the kindest rejection from the editor: “Your piece was a finalist in our review and seriously considered for inclusion. Unfortunately, I am sad to say we will not be able to feature it in the anthology. This decision has more to do with balance in topics and voices covered in the collection than with your writing, which impressed us.”
She suggested I submit to the Estranged Substack.

It was published yesterday, and I’m feeling a little vulnerability hangover. There is so much to say about estrangement situations, and yes, there are more sides to the story. This is just one small part of the complex situation. I wish there were more compassion in these family struggles.

Here is the link to the essay: The Solace in Acceptance

Thank you for reading and be kind to each other.

Frances

My Summer Highlight (a writer’s conference)

I felt a hint of fall in the air this morning. School has started, and kids will report on what they did during their summer vacation. Time is different as we grow older. Summers are gone in a blip, and holiday decorations beg our attention in the stores. (I totally ignore them)

My summer highlight was attending the Port Townsend Writers Conference for a week in July.

​​​​When I made it to Fort Worden, the grounds where the conference was held, I took a stroll on the beach before checking in. The waves clapped onto the sand, applauding me for getting there after the long drive.

In line for dinner, a short, slight, spunky woman, whom I thought was around my age (66), and I laughed that the wind was messing with our short haircuts. “I wrote an essay about my hair,” she exclaimed, then shared the details and the revelation of learning to stand up for herself. Carla and I carried on, sharing our souls in no time.

After orientation, three writers read. I wasn’t familiar with them but now I want more of each of them. Alice Anderson, raised in Mississippi, read from her memoir, Some Bright Morning, I’ll Fly Away, Bryce Andrews, Montana author. I knew of him but hadn’t read him. Then Bryan Fry, editor of Blood Orange Review, born in Montana.

On the sidewalk that leads back to the dorms, the woman next to me said she might go to the beach before bed. I looked over at her, “Are you Toni Jensen?”
“Yes”
“I have been listening to your memoir on my drive, and so excited to be in your writing workshop all week. I am on Chapter 12, Chicken. Y’all are at the ice cream social at Clara Tyson’s (of Tyson Chicken). “She is something else,” said Toni.
Toni’s memoir, Carry, A Memoir of Survival on Stolen Land, is powerful, well-written, hard, and necessary.

In the shared restroom back at the dorm, a woman says hello with a Southern accent. She, too, is from Mississippi, the small town of Laurel. In the hallway, Carol joined our conversation. Carol is writing fiction only because she doesn’t have all the information she needs to write about her father, who was the last to be released from Manzanar, the site of one of ten American concentration camps, where more than 120,000 Japanese Americans were incarcerated during World War II. The three of us could have talked for hours, but it was late.

The interactions and connections made over the first four hours were a good omen for the week ahead.

Amy, one of the dozen students in Toni’s morning workshop, entered the room each morning with an enthusiastic “Good morning, everyone”. Toni created a space for us to share our writing, receive feedback while teaching the craft of writing. By the end of the week, we knew each other’s stories and wanted more. Amy organized a monthly Zoom for us to continue with writing feedback. Occasionally, Toni will join us. 

I could go on about the magical experiences from the week. What I will say is that folks who had been attending for years commented that this summer was one of the best. Hopefully, I’ll be able to attend next summer. Centrum, the organization that holds the conference and many other conferences for artists and musicians, is excellent. I recommend checking it out: Centrum: creativity in community.

Carla, the woman whom I had said was around my age, turns out she’s 83! She and I have exchanged a few emails since the conference. Our Zoom group has met once. In our group, a biologist who worked for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service in 2003 for many years is writing a powerful memoir about the government’s denial of climate change for decades. I’m willing to bet she will be published, and it will be an enlightening book.

After the conference, I made my way to Eugene, OR, to visit friends and attend an annual weekend with the River Rompers. Each summer, a group of friends stay at a vacation rental on a river to swim, eat, and connect, holding the space for each other’s pain and joy. It’s always revitalizing. However, after a week in Eugene and just before our weekend away, I had a painful flare-up of diverticulitis and decided to come home early. I hated missing our treasured time, but it was the right choice. Rest and a liquid diet are the remedies.

I look forward to mornings that ask us to put on a sweater and watch the leaves change colors. It’s my favorite season. What’s yours?

Thanks for reading, Frances

The Warmth of Dogs

A few years ago while pet sitting for three dogs and three cats I was inspired to write an essay about my connection to pets from an early age. Marilyn, their owner, mentioned I probably wouldn’t see one of the kitties. Millie was very shy and spent most of her time in the basement.
Sitting on the couch a petite tabby cat waltzed up to me, put her paw on my knee asking to be pet. It was Millie! Quickly, I took a picture of her and texted it to Marilyn who replied, “you must be an animal whisper.”
It got me thinking that yes, there has not been a dog or cat that I didn’t connect with over the twenty plus years I’ve staying with pets in their homes.

I wrote about how it all began, my connection to dogs, and how pets continue to bring comfort.

After submitting the essay for a couple of years and several revisions then resubmitting, The Warmth of Dogs has been accepted and published today with Bright Flash Literary Review.

I dedicate this essay to Marilyn: for the seed she planted and her love of animals.

Thank you for reading. I hope you read The Warmth of Dogs (just click on the title)

Millie

Ollie

Where the Light Shines

The clinks and hisses of the old heat radiators gently wake me this morning. I don’t mind. In these early hours, it’s quiet and peaceful at the hotel where I live . I can walk the hall with coffee in hand noticing where the light shines.

When I have been away pet sitting for several weeks in a row, I have nothing but gratitude for this one of a kind place where I live. My room is a cocoon of comfort filled with books, notebooks, plants, photos of those I love, artwork of dear friends, the knick knacks that have lived everywhere I have lived. It feels like home.

Hope you have an opportunity today to notice where the light shines.

Interview on PBS, Fractured Families

The PBS Weekend Newshour segment on estrangement aired on December 22, 2024. They chose parts of my interview for the segment. You may watch it here: PBS Weekend Newshour Fractured Families on YouTube. Fast forward to eleven minutes in.
I’d be interested in any thoughts you may have on it.

I learned from one of the estrangement support groups I am in that the therapist who was interviewed, Whitney Goodman, endorses estrangement. She throws around the idea that a parent may be emotionally immature.

Therapist, Rachel Haack states there are therapists who are using terms such as emotional immaturity which is not a clinical term or therapeutic. See Rachel Haack on Instagram. She is one therapist out there who is encouraging healing between those who are estranged. 

There is also a trend with therapist diagnosing another person without ever meeting that person. I find this to be common in the support groups. Adult children often diagnose their parents as narcissus or have borderline personality disorder. I believe the influencers on social media such as Whitney Goodman, contribute to this unfair diagnosis.

Psychoanalyst Jamieson Webster states, “In a world where we now diagnose ourselves on TikTok, rare is the occasion to actually see what these diagnoses really mean… Diagnosis is the starting point for a long conversation between a therapist and a patient about what makes for a life.”

Armchair diagnosis is a term used when professionals or non professionals diagnose someone they have never treated. When a person resorts to name calling, they’ve lost the argument. When they resort to diagnosing, they’ve lost credibility.

A therapist from the UK responded to an article dealing with estrangement in the Guardian with this:
“It is very timely, then, that calls are being made to better regulate those “clumsy” therapists who can unleash so much trauma and grief. For the sake of our children and society as a whole, we should be seeking better familial relationships, not sowing the seeds of division.”

I couldn’t agree more. All this division hurts.

Meantime, I’m finishing up my memoir on estrangement. My book proposal editor gave me this encouragement:
“Your two sample chapters are EXCELLENT! They’re tight, well-written, flow smoothly and really engage the reader making them want to read on to find out what happens. And for what it’s worth, they’re also heartbreaking. Frances, I continue to feel there is a strong commercial market for this book. It’s an important topic, and a lot of people would benefit not only from your story, but hearing about what you learned. As a result, I encourage you to make the changes I suggest and keep writing.”

It’s been an emotional roller coaster writing this memoir, but it is important and I have learned so much and grown through this process. And this trend of children cutting off their parents is still mind boggling and sad.

My wish for the New Year is grace, grace for ourselves and others.

Thanks for reading,

Frances

Christmas at the Hotel

Winter arrived in the Northern Hemisphere at 4:20 Eastern this morning. On this shortest day of the year, all the twinkle lights strung on mantels, windows, trees and houses assure us there is light. I find comfort from the lights on my little table top tree.

Here at the 120 year old hotel where I live, housemates have been busy decorating for the season. The three story brick building built in 1902 has housed many creative folks. Some of the artist’s creations remain. It’s fascinating and funky.

Joseph, a musician and chef, has lived here for a couple of years is cooking a roast for Christmas Eve. Others will contribute to our potluck. I’ll do cheese fondue, leaving the two dogs I’m caring for a couple of hours for our gathering. Robert, the owner, 85 years old, loves it. He really loves when we all gather for food and community.

This year the hotel is adorned with a beautiful wreath made by our newest resident, Jean. Her artistic touches are much needed and welcomed.

I am thankful for yet another year living at the hotel. It has made for the perfect place for me to live. It’s affordable (very). Being a house/pet sitter, I don’t need to spend an outrageous amount for rent since I’m sleeping there probably 25% of the year.

I wanted to share some of our decorations to brightened your solstice day. 

Names of housemates have been changed.

Happy Solstice
Frances

PS, PBS Newshour is doing a segment on family estrangement this Sunday. I was interviewed and will be on it.

My little tree

Happy Halloween and Almost the End of Campaign Ads

We only have a few more days to endure the political ads, the flyers that go directly into the recycle bin. I think America would do well to shorten campaign season as many countries do.

In Canada, the minimum length for a campaign is 36 days, and the longest ever was 74 days (in 1926);
In Australia, the campaign must be a minimum of 33 days (the longest ever was 11 weeks in 1910);
In France, the official election campaign usually lasts no more than 2 weeks;
In Japan, campaigning is allowed for 12 days;
In Singapore, the minimum length is 9 days.

I learned from watching Impact on Montana PBS that Montana tops the nation in the number of Senate ads and learned the impact the Citizens United decision has on current campaigns and voters.

Do you enjoy Halloween?

I do, it’s a fun holiday during my favorite season of the year. There’s no pressure to make the perfect meal, buy presents, listen to carols for months on end, you know all the hoopla that happens as soon as Halloween is over. The commercials start coming at you, buy, buy, buy.

For Halloween, the children get so excited about what they are going to dress up as and all the candy they’ll be given just for being cute or scary. I love carving the pumpkin, lighting it up just as the trick or treaters start out on their mission.

Last year, I was dog sitting for golden retriever, Max. His neighborhood goes all out with decorations. Little ghosts, witches and goblins knock on doors shooting treat or trick. Max, wearing his Halloween scarf, made sure to step out to greet them all and get a pat or two. He and I will be doing it again this year.

Max is also cheering me on as I write my book proposal so I may begin querying agents for my memoir. Stay tuned!

Happy Halloween from me and Max.

2023 – Max is ready for trick or treaters
2024, Max and Lambchops ready for Halloweeen

Memoir Friends

A good editor is worth its weight in gold. I think I have found gold. She read and edited the first thirteen chapters I’ve written.

Her email began: “First I have to say that I’m so sorry you went through all of this—and I’m grateful you’re sharing such a vulnerable (on many levels) manuscript with me. I truly believe that the best memoirs tell the hardest truths—and as a result, affect lives. I think your book will do this.”

There is much work to do from suggestions she made throughout the manuscript and writing the last few chapters. I write and revise a little bit each day, in between reading other memoirs and enjoying Montana’s summer where I want to be on the river everyday.

One reason I joined Twitter a few years ago was because of its writing community. Several women writers found each other there and now support each other through our own social media group. Though many of us have never met in real life, because of the vulnerability we have shared with one another, we have grown to love each other.

Some of us have published memoirs. Others are in the process of writing one.
Recently, I read two memoirs from our group. Both are difficult subjects, well written with much to glean from.

Melissa M. Monroe’s Mom’s Search for Meaning: Grief and Growth after Child Loss shares her grief process after losing her two year old daughter, Alice, from Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC). It’s an unimaginable loss with so many unanswered questions. I was touched throughout Melissa’s memoir. What she has written is a beautiful tribute to Alice and helpful for anyone going through grief or supporting someone who is grieving.

Love in the Archives, a Patchwork of True Stories about suicide loss by Eileen Vorbach Collins. Throughout the stories the reader gets to know her daughter, Lydia, how Lydia saw the world, the love that Eileen still carries for her and the places Eileen found some comfort after losing Lydia. Helpful for others who have experienced suicide loss, grief or supporting someone in the midst of grief.

More memoirs from our group are either on my bookshelf or will be soon. Click the links below to learn more.

Goodbye Again by Candace Cahill

Growth, a Mother, her son and the Brain Tumor They Survived by Karen DeBonis

Tap Dancing on Everest, a Young Doctor’s Unlikely Adventure

Broken People by Rachel Thompson

Midlife Cancer Crisis by Maureen C. Berry

I Can’t Remember if I Cried Rock Widows on Life, Love, and Legacy by Lori Tucker-Sullivan


Forthcoming books:

Rebecca Morrison’s memoir- 2026

Heather Sweeney

Casey Mulligan Walsh – THE FULL CATASTROPHE: All I Ever Wanted, Everything I Feared forthcoming from Motina Books in February 2025!

Anne Rollins – Famished

Jacque Gorelick – Map of a Heart: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Finding the Way Home (Vine Leaves Press 2026)

Jocelyn Jane Cox – Motion Dazzle: A Memoir of Motherhood, Loss, and … Skating on Thin Ice

Happy reading and thanks for reading!