I change the subject hastily when she asked, “Where’s you daughter? How is your daughter?”
“Good”, I reply, “How’s your son? What have you been up to?”
I choose to focus on how good it is to see this lovely woman I haven’t seen in such a long time.
This is how it goes when you haven’t seen someone who knew you 20 years ago and it’s been that long since you’ve seen them. I don’t really know how my daughter is, it’s been five years since I’ve spoken with her.
I’m surrounded by people who love me. A dear friend is hosting a gathering in her backyard to celebrate me on my day of birth and that’s what I choose to focus on.
My brother calls to wish me a happy birthday while mentioning my sister was there visiting not too long ago. He and my two older sisters were all together. I haven’t seen or heard from either sister in a couple of years.
I choose to focus on the fact that he called to wish me a happy birthday.
I run into another woman I haven’t seen in twenty years. She is proud to be a grandmother now and I am happy for you. She asks how many grandkids I have. She knows my daughter had children. “Two, they are twins” and quickly change the subject. I cared for this woman’s daughter when I had a childcare. We used to gather, with our husbands and our daughters. Where would I begin to tell her I don’t see my daughter anymore, that I miss her and my grandchildren everyday?
I choose to focus on the fact that I am recognized as a mother and a grandmother and this is someone I created good memories with.
This morning, I choose to honor my sadness. I will give it what it asks of me, to allow the tears, to trust it will pass as all feelings do.
Then I will choose to go visit a friend.
Lovely Frances, I mourn for your loss with you. It know that it is a wound with pain that is difficult to heal. I hope for peace and beauty in your days and the blessings of your created family. I know that you will make that for yourself as your reservoir of Love is deep. Hugs, Paula
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Thank you Paula Jean, yes I have a wonderful created family of friends that fill me with constant love. I’ve come to accept what is and well the times I am struck with sadness knowing it ebbs and flows. Big hugs to you on the farm.
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I caught that moment at the party and felt your sadness. Surrounding you with loving care and friendship.
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Agh. Right in the heart, both for you and for me.
Trish DeJohn
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Brave and honest, consistently brave and honest. I love you
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